I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself, again. I know, it's getting to be a bad habit. At the moment I am frustrated because I requested this weekend off approximately 4 months ago, and finagled so I would only have to work one 8 hr shift tonight out of the whole long weekend so I could have time off from work when the rest of the world does, too... and now it is a beautiful Sunday afternoon and I am sitting alone in my house, bored. Killing the next 9 hours until I go to work. And the fact that work is the only thing on my schedule today except going to Hope... man. Enough to make me on the edge of tears. I should have been more proactive, more vocal about making plans so I wouldn't be alone. But I'm trying not to be such an obssessive planner, because that tends to drive people nuts. Except... now I'm miserable. Lesson learned.
Jonathan and Liz's wedding yesterday was beautiful. It was a nice day to drive up to Bellingham! The wedding itself was neat... I liked a lot of the things they did at the ceremony (some a little different than other weddings I've seen). The reception was fun, too, for the most part. I did end up feeling very alone for much of the afternoon. I'm not good at social situations, in general, and when I am by myself and trying to negotiate the social maze... it's hard. When I came in to the church, they were taking pictures of each family or couple as sort of a photo-guestbook. Well, let me say I about died when I realized it would just be me, standing there like an idiot by myself. I ended up in an even more awkward situation by taking a joint picture with half of the Banks family... another family joked that Jonathan and Liz would wonder when the Banks adopted a white girl. Haha! I laughed... but it was not a good start to the afternoon. Then came the awkward standing around in the lobby pre-wedding... making small talk with people who I haven't seen since I was 14... which made me feel like I WAS an dorky 14 year old again. Confidence out the window! Finally decided to go into the church... then comes the embarrassing conversation with the usher escorting me. Yes, I am here alone. No, there's nobody I came with that I'd like to sit near. Sigh.
The reception was not much better. I spent much of it walking around the room like I was on a mission to go meet a friend or something, since I figured it was better than standing there by myself like a dork. I might have left early except that I really did want to see Jonathan and Liz's reception and I had driven so far to get there that it seemed silly to leave right away. I did end up hanging out with Sarah a bit, which was awesome. Good to catch up a little after she's been away all spring. But then I felt bad, like I was keeping her from her own brother's wedding reception or something. I participated in the first of Jesse's dances but then just watched the rest from the sidelines. Martha and Maureen tried to encourage me to join the girls in catching the bouquet, but honestly, my heart wasn't in it. Besides, better to let one of Liz's friends catch it... I already caught Ingrid's, which was the only one I've ever really wanted, anyway!! :)
I sound really down, I know. The wedding and reception were pretty great, in themselves. I just ended up feeling really lonely. Maybe because being with all those people I've known for over 20 years made me miss my family. I wish my brother, especially, could have been there. All the groomsmen were his childhood friends! I think the other thing I'm not used to is that in the past at weddings or parties, I've always had my brother or my parents to hang out with. Or occasionally a friend, although I've not always been so good in that department. And while there is freedom in being alone (I can do what I want!)... the novelty wears off rather quick. I was pretty jealous of all the girls there who came as part of a couple... oh to have a companion, even if you don't spend every moment together, someone you know you can always go talk to. Compared to standing there by myself, pretending to be this strong, independent, confident woman... that sounds pretty amazing. Of course, it's not the answer to the underlying issue... I've tried that "solution" and discovered it is pretty temporary and doesn't really solve anything.
My frustration lies mostly within myself. I wish I was more outgoing, less afraid of social situations. I know things have gotten infinitely better over the last 5 years (I only made one trip to the bathroom when I didn't have to go, just to take a break from it all!), but just when I feel like things are getting better, I have an afternoon like that when I just feel so... anxious. And alone.
Went back to reading in Matthew again today. I tend to jump all over the place! Matthew 11:28: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." To be honest, I'm weary. I want to give up my burden, but its hard to hand over control sometimes.
OK, better stop pouring everything out here or I might regret my brutal honestly later. :) Let me just say that the ongoing frustration over restrictions in my life... well, the frustration goes on... some days more intensely than others. I think going to the wedding made it worse! Or maybe it was just that the rest of this weekend was actually pretty awesome (I'm just in a mood at the moment and feel like focusing on the negative!). And when things are absolutely amazing for a moment or two... it makes the harsh reality all that much harder to swallow.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Friday!
Just a quick post... I am procrastinating! Having some people over for dinner and so I gotta finish cleaning up and then run to the store and get the rest of the ingredients for lasagna... or lasagne if you prefer!
I worked the last 2 nights... got back this morning and slept for like 4 hours since I was SO tired but didn't want to be up all night tonight! I'm off tonight and tomorrow but have to do an 8 hr shift overnight Sunday... can't get the WHOLE Memorial Day weekend off! But I do get holiday pay on that shift starting at midnight! Whoo-hoo! I have been feeling poor lately, so that will be good. And I suspect that there might be some opportunity for OT on Monday... we'll see. OT on a holiday? Sweet. They were so short for today... for some reason all these people called in sick. Hm. What's up with that? :) But I had asked for these days off like 6 months ago so I was set.
Tomorrow is Jonathan and Liz's wedding! I am supposed to bring 2 pies... better get on that, too. Lots to do. And I have to figure out what to wear. And how to get to the church in Bellingham!
OK, I want to blog longer but alas there is not enough time! Smokey is meowing like crazy in the other room... it is a suspicious meow so I better go check. Spring has arrived and brought lots of bugs with it, so she spends quite a bit of time chasing spiders and random insects that find their way into my house! I am glad I have my own exterminator. :)
I worked the last 2 nights... got back this morning and slept for like 4 hours since I was SO tired but didn't want to be up all night tonight! I'm off tonight and tomorrow but have to do an 8 hr shift overnight Sunday... can't get the WHOLE Memorial Day weekend off! But I do get holiday pay on that shift starting at midnight! Whoo-hoo! I have been feeling poor lately, so that will be good. And I suspect that there might be some opportunity for OT on Monday... we'll see. OT on a holiday? Sweet. They were so short for today... for some reason all these people called in sick. Hm. What's up with that? :) But I had asked for these days off like 6 months ago so I was set.
Tomorrow is Jonathan and Liz's wedding! I am supposed to bring 2 pies... better get on that, too. Lots to do. And I have to figure out what to wear. And how to get to the church in Bellingham!
OK, I want to blog longer but alas there is not enough time! Smokey is meowing like crazy in the other room... it is a suspicious meow so I better go check. Spring has arrived and brought lots of bugs with it, so she spends quite a bit of time chasing spiders and random insects that find their way into my house! I am glad I have my own exterminator. :)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
You're gonna make it after all
So it's nearly 5 am, and I'm trying to keep busy to stay awake. My current Facebook status says, "Alison Meneely has really screwed up her circadian rhythms" and boy is that true!! Night shift will do that, I guess. I slept most of the day yesterday when I got home from work, then managed to stay up until about 2 am... then slept until about 7:15 am. Been awake since then, with the exception of dozing off in front of the TV this evening for like 20 minutes. Thank goodness for random text messages to wake me up! :) Drank a bunch of coffee around midnight, and it's kept me going thus far!!
Smokey is adorable... she has been following me around all night, and now is sleeping next to my chair by the computer like a dog! :) She spent much of the evening chasing this gigantic fly that has been wreaking havoc on my apartment all day, buzzing around very loudly. I don't know if she managed to get it finally... but I don't hear any buzzing anymore! I just hope it doesn't show up someplace unfortunate as a present!
I've been remarkably productive tonight. Finally folded all the clean laundry and put it away, cleaned up the whole downstairs and my bedroom too. The guest room still has piles of junk, but I am tired of cleaning up and feel pretty good about what I got done tonight, so that can wait for another day! :)
While doing stuff downstairs, I watched Oprah's "Mary Tyler Moore" reunion show. I was surprised that there were moments that brought tears to my eyes, even though it really was a show of my parents' generation. I remember watching it on Nick at Night... one of the few shows we were allowed to watch when we first got cable! I think the part that gets me now is what my mom's generation loved about the show... here's this young single career woman, rebounding from a romance and she's taking on the world. Now I'm not going to throw my hat up in the air or anything (not that I ever wear hats!) but just hearing that theme song kinda touches me. Maybe it's because I've moved out here on my own, living in my house and having a career... like some kind of adult or something. :) I was talking to a friend today about that idea of being an adult. It feels pretty weird to realize that I'm pretty much living a grown-up life (with a few notable exceptions). Anyway. I'm rambling. Must be all the coffee combined with lack of sleep!
What else is new? Hm. The weather has gone back to cold and rainy. According to the news it is in the mid-40s right now. Yuck. Good sleeping weather though. :)
I feel like I have more to blog about, but my brain is shutting down after being awake for over 21 hours! Time to go watch some TV and work on finishing up that wall quilt, I think. Almost done with the hand-quilting! Hoping to finally finish it next week, maybe. Then the real work begins on the big bed quilt!!
I haven't posted any pictures in a while, so here are a couple from last week when the weather was so beautiful that a trip to the beach at Carkeek was necessary!
Smokey is adorable... she has been following me around all night, and now is sleeping next to my chair by the computer like a dog! :) She spent much of the evening chasing this gigantic fly that has been wreaking havoc on my apartment all day, buzzing around very loudly. I don't know if she managed to get it finally... but I don't hear any buzzing anymore! I just hope it doesn't show up someplace unfortunate as a present!
I've been remarkably productive tonight. Finally folded all the clean laundry and put it away, cleaned up the whole downstairs and my bedroom too. The guest room still has piles of junk, but I am tired of cleaning up and feel pretty good about what I got done tonight, so that can wait for another day! :)
While doing stuff downstairs, I watched Oprah's "Mary Tyler Moore" reunion show. I was surprised that there were moments that brought tears to my eyes, even though it really was a show of my parents' generation. I remember watching it on Nick at Night... one of the few shows we were allowed to watch when we first got cable! I think the part that gets me now is what my mom's generation loved about the show... here's this young single career woman, rebounding from a romance and she's taking on the world. Now I'm not going to throw my hat up in the air or anything (not that I ever wear hats!) but just hearing that theme song kinda touches me. Maybe it's because I've moved out here on my own, living in my house and having a career... like some kind of adult or something. :) I was talking to a friend today about that idea of being an adult. It feels pretty weird to realize that I'm pretty much living a grown-up life (with a few notable exceptions). Anyway. I'm rambling. Must be all the coffee combined with lack of sleep!
What else is new? Hm. The weather has gone back to cold and rainy. According to the news it is in the mid-40s right now. Yuck. Good sleeping weather though. :)
I feel like I have more to blog about, but my brain is shutting down after being awake for over 21 hours! Time to go watch some TV and work on finishing up that wall quilt, I think. Almost done with the hand-quilting! Hoping to finally finish it next week, maybe. Then the real work begins on the big bed quilt!!
I haven't posted any pictures in a while, so here are a couple from last week when the weather was so beautiful that a trip to the beach at Carkeek was necessary!
Monday, May 19, 2008
100th Post
Yes, it's true... this is my 100th blog post! Some of you may remember my 50th post in January, when I hoped it wouldn't be that long before my 100th... well, I did have a little hiatus in April and haven't written as much. :) But once again I am vowing to do better!!! I had this idea in post #50 that I should summarize major changes in my life between milestone posts. Hahaha. Like my life's that exciting!! But I will humor myself (is that possible?) and try to do that here.
The big news at the time was my new mixer. Which I haven't written about lately. But it is wonderful and has gotten some use. :) Will be getting it out this week to bake pies for the wedding on Saturday! I have had some other new and extravagant purchases since January. The first, and biggest, was my new TV in February, followed by the sewing machine in April. (Wow, when I try to summarize things like this, it makes me sound like a shop-a-holic!!)
But probably the most exciting thing I have become the proud owner of recently is plane tickets to England and Ireland! I don't think I've written about it (because I feel like everyone knows already!), but I'm leaving July 27 for England to visit my parents in Oxford. We're then taking a side trip to the land of (roughly half to two-thirds of) my forefathers... Ireland!! VERY excited about that. :)
I booked the flight to allow for the other big event of the summer... the Seafair race on July 26! Haven't been running much lately, so I gotta get back on track (haha no pun intended!) and train for that. Otherwise, it will be a very long 8K. :)
Which brings me to the next big change in my life since January. Since I wrote my 50th post, I've lost another 15 pounds! Sadly, my rate of weight loss has not kept up with my dream of losing it all by June 1. :( But I've struggled along, and have reached a new milestone... drumroll please... over 45 pounds lost! For those doing the math... 19 lbs to go before I reach the goal. Which I'm hoping will happen soon. I shouldn't set dates for these things, but it would be very cool (and reasonable, I hope) to be there by my birthday in August. We'll see. :) At the moment, I'm very happy to have reached a new "tens digit"... haha. Finally at or even slightly below a number that has been a major wall for me.
Hm. Other changes in my life over the last 50 posts. Well, I mentioned in the 50th post that God had tested my faith a bit. Haha. Understatement of the year. :) I think I was in a bit of denial at the time as to how much I was being tested... if only I knew what was to come! The last 6 months or so have been an interesting time for me spiritually. (For examples, check out this post on submission , this one from Easter , or one of my personal favorite rants. For a more upbeat perspective, check out this one about hymn-singing!) Perhaps in January I just didn't feel like putting it out there so publicly, but I've kind of already done that recently, so what's a little more honesty? :)
I won't sugar-coat it. It's been a hard 6 months. Obviously I can't really explain why, here, but let it suffice to say that I have never been faced with so many questions and struggled with scripture and the church so much. Looking back, I can say with absolute certainty that my faith is stronger and is getting stronger as a result... most days. I have definitely been brought to the brink, where there is no place else to turn but to Him. Never before have I found myself literally on my knees, crying out to God... then turning to His Word and finding answers. Not always the ones I want. But still. :) The craziness of this situation has been forcing me to face the reality that I need to trust Him, because seriously, that's really the only viable option. And as hard as that is... wow.
I've made new friends and strengthened existing friendships since January, too. I'm continually impressed by the gift God has given me in my friendship with Ingrid... yes, sometimes we go a few weeks with the only contact being a poke or wall post on Facebook, but then we can get together and have incredibly deep and meaningful conversations, whether about marriage/kids/the future, tough spiritual questions... or about reality TV (SYTYCD premieres this week!!!!). Other friendships are starting to take hold, whether with my coworkers or some of the girls at church. It's slow, and not an easy thing for me, but it's working out. :)
Despite everything, God's given me a peace lately about certain things in my life. Don't worry, I won't go quoting Dr. Evil again... but the other major change over the last few months has been a strengthening of other relationships, too. Even though things aren't the way that I want them to be right now, I have absolute confidence that they will be someday... even if I have to wait until 2012! If Moses can be in the desert for 40 years... well... who am I to complain? :) One day at a time. Which I think is a little bit easier now than it was in January.
Beyond that, not much else has changed. I've settled into daily life here in Seattle. Smokey and I are headed to go watch Jon Stewart... and I might even have a diet Coke, too. :)
One last thing...
The big news at the time was my new mixer. Which I haven't written about lately. But it is wonderful and has gotten some use. :) Will be getting it out this week to bake pies for the wedding on Saturday! I have had some other new and extravagant purchases since January. The first, and biggest, was my new TV in February, followed by the sewing machine in April. (Wow, when I try to summarize things like this, it makes me sound like a shop-a-holic!!)
But probably the most exciting thing I have become the proud owner of recently is plane tickets to England and Ireland! I don't think I've written about it (because I feel like everyone knows already!), but I'm leaving July 27 for England to visit my parents in Oxford. We're then taking a side trip to the land of (roughly half to two-thirds of) my forefathers... Ireland!! VERY excited about that. :)
I booked the flight to allow for the other big event of the summer... the Seafair race on July 26! Haven't been running much lately, so I gotta get back on track (haha no pun intended!) and train for that. Otherwise, it will be a very long 8K. :)
Which brings me to the next big change in my life since January. Since I wrote my 50th post, I've lost another 15 pounds! Sadly, my rate of weight loss has not kept up with my dream of losing it all by June 1. :( But I've struggled along, and have reached a new milestone... drumroll please... over 45 pounds lost! For those doing the math... 19 lbs to go before I reach the goal. Which I'm hoping will happen soon. I shouldn't set dates for these things, but it would be very cool (and reasonable, I hope) to be there by my birthday in August. We'll see. :) At the moment, I'm very happy to have reached a new "tens digit"... haha. Finally at or even slightly below a number that has been a major wall for me.
Hm. Other changes in my life over the last 50 posts. Well, I mentioned in the 50th post that God had tested my faith a bit. Haha. Understatement of the year. :) I think I was in a bit of denial at the time as to how much I was being tested... if only I knew what was to come! The last 6 months or so have been an interesting time for me spiritually. (For examples, check out this post on submission , this one from Easter , or one of my personal favorite rants. For a more upbeat perspective, check out this one about hymn-singing!) Perhaps in January I just didn't feel like putting it out there so publicly, but I've kind of already done that recently, so what's a little more honesty? :)
I won't sugar-coat it. It's been a hard 6 months. Obviously I can't really explain why, here, but let it suffice to say that I have never been faced with so many questions and struggled with scripture and the church so much. Looking back, I can say with absolute certainty that my faith is stronger and is getting stronger as a result... most days. I have definitely been brought to the brink, where there is no place else to turn but to Him. Never before have I found myself literally on my knees, crying out to God... then turning to His Word and finding answers. Not always the ones I want. But still. :) The craziness of this situation has been forcing me to face the reality that I need to trust Him, because seriously, that's really the only viable option. And as hard as that is... wow.
I've made new friends and strengthened existing friendships since January, too. I'm continually impressed by the gift God has given me in my friendship with Ingrid... yes, sometimes we go a few weeks with the only contact being a poke or wall post on Facebook, but then we can get together and have incredibly deep and meaningful conversations, whether about marriage/kids/the future, tough spiritual questions... or about reality TV (SYTYCD premieres this week!!!!). Other friendships are starting to take hold, whether with my coworkers or some of the girls at church. It's slow, and not an easy thing for me, but it's working out. :)
Despite everything, God's given me a peace lately about certain things in my life. Don't worry, I won't go quoting Dr. Evil again... but the other major change over the last few months has been a strengthening of other relationships, too. Even though things aren't the way that I want them to be right now, I have absolute confidence that they will be someday... even if I have to wait until 2012! If Moses can be in the desert for 40 years... well... who am I to complain? :) One day at a time. Which I think is a little bit easier now than it was in January.
Beyond that, not much else has changed. I've settled into daily life here in Seattle. Smokey and I are headed to go watch Jon Stewart... and I might even have a diet Coke, too. :)
One last thing...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANDY!!
Friday, May 16, 2008
A Little Different...
Happy Friday!! It's kind of funny to have a job where it doesn't really matter what day or time it is... that is, since my work schedule is not of the Monday-Friday variety, I have lost the concept of what certain days feel like! For example, I've been off for the last 2 days, and head back to work tomorrow... so while many people are eagerly anticipating the weekend, I am thinking about heading back to the grindstone!!
Yesterday was a beautiful day in Seattle... mid-60s and sunny by the afternoon. Today is supposed to be even better... highs in the 70s! Everyone has been panicking around here because some weather forecaster mentioned that it could get into the 90s. Heavens!! 90s!! We shall all perish!!! Hahaha. :) But while I laugh at that, I did something very Seattleite-ish yesterday. The first sunny day in a long time... and I went to the beach and laid out my towel and read my book in the sunshine. Except it was approximately 63 degrees and windy. I insisted on wearing my shorts, tank top, and flip-flops, however, in true Seattleite fashion! Maybe if I dress like it's summer... it will become summer! I am not sure one can get a tan through goosebumps, though. As a medical professional, I should know the answer to that. :) (Actually... you can... the two are unrelated. :) ) Yesterday I got a bit of sun on my face... although upon second thought maybe it was windburn!!
There is this series of billboards/tv ads for an insurance company here, where they do "Northwest Profiles"... then the tag line is "We're a lot like you. A little different." Some examples include: ponytailed software geek, roadside chainsaw woodcarver, socks with sandals guy, recumbent bike commuter, and my personal favorite... obsessive-compulsive recycler. There is one that talks about the guy who goes shirtless when it hits 50 degrees... I thought about that when I was lying on the beach freezing yesterday! Of course, I slept with the windows open last night... and it was in the 50s. Haha. Denial is a wonderful thing. You can see the whole series of ads here: http://werealotlikeyou.com/ I highly recommend it!! It's the guide to people of the Northwest. :) Maybe not as funny if you've never lived here, or lived away...
I could write a whole blog about this ad campaign!! :) I think I am a combination of several profiles... "Confused East Coast Transplant" meets "Super Long Coffee-Orderer". Child of a "Perennial Power-Washer" and a "Green Lake Power Walker" who grew up as a "Blackberry Hunter", and who has a thing for guys who fall into the "NW Male Action Figure"/"Software Geek" category!! I have even been "Blue Tarp Camping" in my life. :) ANYWAY, I will move on. They make me laugh. :)
So in true Northwest fashion, I am planning on heading to the beach again today, although I don't think I will go so far as the being the "bikini on alki when it's 60 degrees out" girl. :) Not quite in bikini shape yet. Still a ways to go before ANY bathing suit makes an appearance!!
Hm. What else is going on? Yesterday was Ingrid and Chad's (or as some might call them... Chadgrid's) anniversary! Hard to believe it's been 4 years since that fun week. I realized that I can't really refer to them as newlyweds anymore! Makes me feel so old! :) It's been really cool to move back here and get to know them as a couple. Kinda like a new phase in life. :)
I don't feel like thinking about work... so I won't write about it. Will probably be dropping down my hours and no longer be 100% full time, since it is pretty much killing me. One of the girls at church was telling me how she is a volunteer at the aquarium a few hours a week... maybe I will find someplace to volunteer. Who knows. All I know is that I can't keep up this pace much longer!! I did find out that my parking permit will allow me to park at night... so no more bus!!! Yay!!! It's been pretty sketchy lately, particularly late at night, and I am really glad that I don't have to worry about my own safety just to get to work (where I worry about my own safety enough as it is!! haha).
My neck really hurts. I think I slept on it funny on Wednesday or maybe pulled a muscle somehow... last night it was feeling a bit better after the heating pad and ibuprofen and rubbing it... but this morning it is still hurting. Maybe it is my pillow. Or my sheets... I need to get new ones... really don't like my current ones. Haha... now THERE's an excuse to buy new sheets... they hurt my neck!! :)
Well, I have a lot of accomplish today before I can justify sunbathing this afternoon. :) Better get moving on it.
~Alison
P.S. Thanks to everyone who gave me such encouragment after my last post. Things are still tough but I'm working to rely on Him for strength. It still looks to be a long road ahead until this situation is resolved, but I'm feeling less discouraged about it than I was the other day. I have been really encouraged this week by a couple people who've "been there" when I needed it, and not only given some wise advice... but also just listened when I needed to get some stuff out. Thank you. :)
Yesterday was a beautiful day in Seattle... mid-60s and sunny by the afternoon. Today is supposed to be even better... highs in the 70s! Everyone has been panicking around here because some weather forecaster mentioned that it could get into the 90s. Heavens!! 90s!! We shall all perish!!! Hahaha. :) But while I laugh at that, I did something very Seattleite-ish yesterday. The first sunny day in a long time... and I went to the beach and laid out my towel and read my book in the sunshine. Except it was approximately 63 degrees and windy. I insisted on wearing my shorts, tank top, and flip-flops, however, in true Seattleite fashion! Maybe if I dress like it's summer... it will become summer! I am not sure one can get a tan through goosebumps, though. As a medical professional, I should know the answer to that. :) (Actually... you can... the two are unrelated. :) ) Yesterday I got a bit of sun on my face... although upon second thought maybe it was windburn!!
There is this series of billboards/tv ads for an insurance company here, where they do "Northwest Profiles"... then the tag line is "We're a lot like you. A little different." Some examples include: ponytailed software geek, roadside chainsaw woodcarver, socks with sandals guy, recumbent bike commuter, and my personal favorite... obsessive-compulsive recycler. There is one that talks about the guy who goes shirtless when it hits 50 degrees... I thought about that when I was lying on the beach freezing yesterday! Of course, I slept with the windows open last night... and it was in the 50s. Haha. Denial is a wonderful thing. You can see the whole series of ads here: http://werealotlikeyou.com/ I highly recommend it!! It's the guide to people of the Northwest. :) Maybe not as funny if you've never lived here, or lived away...
I could write a whole blog about this ad campaign!! :) I think I am a combination of several profiles... "Confused East Coast Transplant" meets "Super Long Coffee-Orderer". Child of a "Perennial Power-Washer" and a "Green Lake Power Walker" who grew up as a "Blackberry Hunter", and who has a thing for guys who fall into the "NW Male Action Figure"/"Software Geek" category!! I have even been "Blue Tarp Camping" in my life. :) ANYWAY, I will move on. They make me laugh. :)
So in true Northwest fashion, I am planning on heading to the beach again today, although I don't think I will go so far as the being the "bikini on alki when it's 60 degrees out" girl. :) Not quite in bikini shape yet. Still a ways to go before ANY bathing suit makes an appearance!!
Hm. What else is going on? Yesterday was Ingrid and Chad's (or as some might call them... Chadgrid's) anniversary! Hard to believe it's been 4 years since that fun week. I realized that I can't really refer to them as newlyweds anymore! Makes me feel so old! :) It's been really cool to move back here and get to know them as a couple. Kinda like a new phase in life. :)
I don't feel like thinking about work... so I won't write about it. Will probably be dropping down my hours and no longer be 100% full time, since it is pretty much killing me. One of the girls at church was telling me how she is a volunteer at the aquarium a few hours a week... maybe I will find someplace to volunteer. Who knows. All I know is that I can't keep up this pace much longer!! I did find out that my parking permit will allow me to park at night... so no more bus!!! Yay!!! It's been pretty sketchy lately, particularly late at night, and I am really glad that I don't have to worry about my own safety just to get to work (where I worry about my own safety enough as it is!! haha).
My neck really hurts. I think I slept on it funny on Wednesday or maybe pulled a muscle somehow... last night it was feeling a bit better after the heating pad and ibuprofen and rubbing it... but this morning it is still hurting. Maybe it is my pillow. Or my sheets... I need to get new ones... really don't like my current ones. Haha... now THERE's an excuse to buy new sheets... they hurt my neck!! :)
Well, I have a lot of accomplish today before I can justify sunbathing this afternoon. :) Better get moving on it.
~Alison
P.S. Thanks to everyone who gave me such encouragment after my last post. Things are still tough but I'm working to rely on Him for strength. It still looks to be a long road ahead until this situation is resolved, but I'm feeling less discouraged about it than I was the other day. I have been really encouraged this week by a couple people who've "been there" when I needed it, and not only given some wise advice... but also just listened when I needed to get some stuff out. Thank you. :)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Submission
I can't sleep. It's a bit after 6 am, and I've been awake since 4... not on purpose. :( My body clock is all messed up from working night shift, I think. Worked this weekend, and then was supposed to work last night (or actually right now!) but I called out sick. Back to work tonight, so I don't really know what to do, sleep-wise. Will probably take a nap this afternoon and drink lots of coffee during my 12 hr shift!!
It's been a rough couple of days, to be honest. I'm feeling much better now than I have been lately, but still... gonna be a long road ahead, I think. I'm learning about patience and trusting God's plan... relinquishing control to Him. Which is tough for me, a self-professed control-freak. :)
The focus of the last couple sermons I've heard at Hope have been on submission, as we work through 1 Peter. Interestingly, I also finished reading this book last week that I think I might have mentioned before... "The Politically Incorrect Wife", which of course touches on this subject as well. You know, in secular circles, the word submission is such a dirty word. Like a beaten dog cowering in a corner... or a weak person without a backbone-- a doormat. This is definitely the way I used to look at the idea, and certainly when I was taking some "gender studies" classes at F&M, that's how it was portrayed. But God's really been working in my heart for months about what submission really means. So it's been kinda cool to have the topic be brought up again at church, after it's something I've been working through a lot lately.
There's lots of ways this is playing out in my life right now. Submission to God... He holds ultimate power and control. Over everything. His power is awesome, in the true sense of the word... inspiring awe and wonder... and maybe some fear, too. Instead of fighting to do my own thing, I need to let Him be the one in charge. And I need to stop and listen... not just a one-way relationship! I know from experience that when I have been able to back off, to trust in Him, to hand over my life into His hands... even for just a little while... it has been amazing. But I've haven't been very good about that lately. And it's becoming apparent that that's what's necessary right now.
Submission to God is the most important, but we're also told to submit to authority. What I've really been struggling with lately is the question of what to do when those in authority are wrong or abusing their power. We're supposed to do it anyway... ultimately they will answer to God, not to us. Which provides some comfort, I suppose. But on a practical, day-to-day level... it's tough. I know I'm not the first, or certainly the last, to struggle with this. What's really hard is that the way to get through it is to trust God and gain strength through Him... but when you're in a situation where you need to do that the most, sometimes it's the hardest to be close to Him. Sigh. It's tempting to get angry and question why things are the way they are. But we can't do that... He had His reasons, even if we can't comprehend them. I just gotta remember that.
Like I said, I've been reading several books lately on what it means to be a Christian woman, and someday a Christian wife and mother. It sounds crazy, in some ways... if you had told me 5 years ago, as I was on the brink of holding my degree from a prestigious East Coast liberal arts college, that in 2008, this is where I would be... I would never have believed it. I certainly went through my feminist phase, for sure... but I think at that time I lacked the maturity to really understand what it meant to be a truly Christian woman. (Not that I understand it fully now!! But so much more than I did then!) I never would have thought that I would find myself reading these types of books and actually agreeing with them. God has really worked in my heart in that sense, preparing me for the future, when I hope to have a husband and family, and to raise children in a Christian household. I've talked about this with a couple Christian girlfriends over the last couple months, and am realizing the beauty of submission. God really has had laid out different roles for men and women... and this is the part I never really understood before... women are not weak if they are submitting to their husbands, and to God. In fact, it is the opposite... there is strength in His plan. I can't really explain it here, but it's been a really interesting topic to study. I just hope I can start to live it!
If you're reading this (and in fact STILL reading this very long post), then chances are you know me... so I want to take selfish advantage of that and ask you to pray for me. Things are tough right now, and I need prayers for patience-- wisdom-- strength-- a spirit that trusts Him.
Well, now that I've been blogging for like 45 minutes... it's almost 7 am... time to face the day. Sigh.
It's been a rough couple of days, to be honest. I'm feeling much better now than I have been lately, but still... gonna be a long road ahead, I think. I'm learning about patience and trusting God's plan... relinquishing control to Him. Which is tough for me, a self-professed control-freak. :)
The focus of the last couple sermons I've heard at Hope have been on submission, as we work through 1 Peter. Interestingly, I also finished reading this book last week that I think I might have mentioned before... "The Politically Incorrect Wife", which of course touches on this subject as well. You know, in secular circles, the word submission is such a dirty word. Like a beaten dog cowering in a corner... or a weak person without a backbone-- a doormat. This is definitely the way I used to look at the idea, and certainly when I was taking some "gender studies" classes at F&M, that's how it was portrayed. But God's really been working in my heart for months about what submission really means. So it's been kinda cool to have the topic be brought up again at church, after it's something I've been working through a lot lately.
There's lots of ways this is playing out in my life right now. Submission to God... He holds ultimate power and control. Over everything. His power is awesome, in the true sense of the word... inspiring awe and wonder... and maybe some fear, too. Instead of fighting to do my own thing, I need to let Him be the one in charge. And I need to stop and listen... not just a one-way relationship! I know from experience that when I have been able to back off, to trust in Him, to hand over my life into His hands... even for just a little while... it has been amazing. But I've haven't been very good about that lately. And it's becoming apparent that that's what's necessary right now.
Submission to God is the most important, but we're also told to submit to authority. What I've really been struggling with lately is the question of what to do when those in authority are wrong or abusing their power. We're supposed to do it anyway... ultimately they will answer to God, not to us. Which provides some comfort, I suppose. But on a practical, day-to-day level... it's tough. I know I'm not the first, or certainly the last, to struggle with this. What's really hard is that the way to get through it is to trust God and gain strength through Him... but when you're in a situation where you need to do that the most, sometimes it's the hardest to be close to Him. Sigh. It's tempting to get angry and question why things are the way they are. But we can't do that... He had His reasons, even if we can't comprehend them. I just gotta remember that.
Like I said, I've been reading several books lately on what it means to be a Christian woman, and someday a Christian wife and mother. It sounds crazy, in some ways... if you had told me 5 years ago, as I was on the brink of holding my degree from a prestigious East Coast liberal arts college, that in 2008, this is where I would be... I would never have believed it. I certainly went through my feminist phase, for sure... but I think at that time I lacked the maturity to really understand what it meant to be a truly Christian woman. (Not that I understand it fully now!! But so much more than I did then!) I never would have thought that I would find myself reading these types of books and actually agreeing with them. God has really worked in my heart in that sense, preparing me for the future, when I hope to have a husband and family, and to raise children in a Christian household. I've talked about this with a couple Christian girlfriends over the last couple months, and am realizing the beauty of submission. God really has had laid out different roles for men and women... and this is the part I never really understood before... women are not weak if they are submitting to their husbands, and to God. In fact, it is the opposite... there is strength in His plan. I can't really explain it here, but it's been a really interesting topic to study. I just hope I can start to live it!
If you're reading this (and in fact STILL reading this very long post), then chances are you know me... so I want to take selfish advantage of that and ask you to pray for me. Things are tough right now, and I need prayers for patience-- wisdom-- strength-- a spirit that trusts Him.
Well, now that I've been blogging for like 45 minutes... it's almost 7 am... time to face the day. Sigh.
Friday, May 9, 2008
:)
The Tivo is officially functional! :)
I've been feeling pretty lonely and definitely more than a little sorry for myself today. But I was reminded (again) just a few minutes ago that I am truly lucky. I've been blessed with a lot, and even though things are hard, God's given me a gift in a special person who is simply amazing. Even though I don't deserve it, I've been blessed with someone who fills a hole I didn't even know I had. At the risk of quoting Dr. Evil and/or Tom Cruise... someone who completes me. I haven't written about it much. But I am filled with gratitude tonight, and therefore it is spilling out here. :)
Friday
OK, so I didn't go anywhere today. I confess. I wanted to get out and go to the mountains or something exciting, but honestly, I didn't feel like it. And didn't really feel like going by myself, anyway. I've been pretty lazy yesterday and today... haven't really felt well physically. Or emotionally, which then goes in a vicious cycle with the physical! :) Last night I went out for soup with Ingrid, and hung out with her for a couple of hours. It was exactly what I needed yesterday! (The conversation, I mean, not the soup. Although it was pretty tasty!)
Today is a beautiful day, finally. Sunny, although not warm. Only like 50 degrees out! Man, I am definitely not used to Seattle spring. I want the warmth of Philadelphia in May!! T-shirts and starting to work on your tan... not sweatshirts and still having the heat on in your house. I remember the day of my high school prom... 95 degrees and oppressively humid... in May. I could do without the latter, but man... I am tired of being so freakin' cold!!! Last night I found myself on Travelocity, looking up flights to warm destinations, just for fun. I entertain myself by dreaming of a trip to Vegas, although I know I wouldn't actually go through with it. :)
Going to Vegas probably wouldn't solve my problems, anyway. Sigh. I'm pretty unhappy with the whole church situation right now. Don't really know what to do. I realized today that I am working the next 3 Sundays, which made me happy... and it shouldn't have. I shouldn't been glad to have an excuse not to go! But the stuff going on makes me sick to my stomach. And angry. Which isn't the way I should feel. I spent a lot of time reading and praying yesterday. Need some guidance, for sure. I am just feeling so trapped!!
Ok, time to change the subject. The new Tivo arrived today. Actually, the refurbished one that is taking all day to set up. Sigh. I am being grumpy. Sorry. But it arrived with the original software... so it's like when your computer crashes and you have to reinstall Windows... but then you never got around to slipstreaming all the updates so you have to use the original install disk and wind up with a pre-SP1 machine... and then have to deal with all the bugs until you finally get a bazillion updates installed. Not that I've ever had THAT experience. :) But that's what it feels like right now. For example, the current version goes back to pre-WPA encryption... so I had to open up my network in order to get the updates. Which doesn't make me happy, as you might imagine if you know me at all! I am hoping I can get them all installed and then get everything encrypted again soon. :)
I'm already dreading work tomorrow. Working 4 days in a row. Yuck. Unless I decide to call out sick, which is a distinct possibility. I have felt pretty awful lately. Sigh.
Today in the car I was listening to Eve 6 on my iPod (sounds SO good in my car!!), and one of the lines from their song "Noctural" has been stuck in my head all afternoon... I wake up in a cold sweat/got a bone to pick with reality... describes my feelings right now. I definitely have a bone to pick with reality! So frustrated right now. Words cannot express it. Just want to be free of everything and able to live my life. Argh.
Ok, enough of this angry outburst, I mean, blog post. :) Time to go check on the Tivo's progress. And maybe spend some more time in prayer and Bible study. I think I need it.
Today is a beautiful day, finally. Sunny, although not warm. Only like 50 degrees out! Man, I am definitely not used to Seattle spring. I want the warmth of Philadelphia in May!! T-shirts and starting to work on your tan... not sweatshirts and still having the heat on in your house. I remember the day of my high school prom... 95 degrees and oppressively humid... in May. I could do without the latter, but man... I am tired of being so freakin' cold!!! Last night I found myself on Travelocity, looking up flights to warm destinations, just for fun. I entertain myself by dreaming of a trip to Vegas, although I know I wouldn't actually go through with it. :)
Going to Vegas probably wouldn't solve my problems, anyway. Sigh. I'm pretty unhappy with the whole church situation right now. Don't really know what to do. I realized today that I am working the next 3 Sundays, which made me happy... and it shouldn't have. I shouldn't been glad to have an excuse not to go! But the stuff going on makes me sick to my stomach. And angry. Which isn't the way I should feel. I spent a lot of time reading and praying yesterday. Need some guidance, for sure. I am just feeling so trapped!!
Ok, time to change the subject. The new Tivo arrived today. Actually, the refurbished one that is taking all day to set up. Sigh. I am being grumpy. Sorry. But it arrived with the original software... so it's like when your computer crashes and you have to reinstall Windows... but then you never got around to slipstreaming all the updates so you have to use the original install disk and wind up with a pre-SP1 machine... and then have to deal with all the bugs until you finally get a bazillion updates installed. Not that I've ever had THAT experience. :) But that's what it feels like right now. For example, the current version goes back to pre-WPA encryption... so I had to open up my network in order to get the updates. Which doesn't make me happy, as you might imagine if you know me at all! I am hoping I can get them all installed and then get everything encrypted again soon. :)
I'm already dreading work tomorrow. Working 4 days in a row. Yuck. Unless I decide to call out sick, which is a distinct possibility. I have felt pretty awful lately. Sigh.
Today in the car I was listening to Eve 6 on my iPod (sounds SO good in my car!!), and one of the lines from their song "Noctural" has been stuck in my head all afternoon... I wake up in a cold sweat/got a bone to pick with reality... describes my feelings right now. I definitely have a bone to pick with reality! So frustrated right now. Words cannot express it. Just want to be free of everything and able to live my life. Argh.
Ok, enough of this angry outburst, I mean, blog post. :) Time to go check on the Tivo's progress. And maybe spend some more time in prayer and Bible study. I think I need it.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
First May Post!!!
I've been awful about blogging lately. Excuses, excuses... there's been a lot going on... I'll leave it at that. :)
Working night shift has had me all messed up. It's well after 1 am and here I am, blogging away and wide awake! The only thing good on TV right now is a rerun of CSI:Miami... which I've already seen several times. Oh well. Which brings me to my next subject...
My Tivo has died. For those who know me... this is a true tragedy! I joke around, but man.... it has been rough the last week without it. They are sending a replacement that is due to arrive on Friday! I am still contemplating buying the HD version now that I have my "pimp" TV (as my coworkers refer to it)... but I think I will save that for the next weight-loss reward!
Speaking of which... I have been doing horrible lately on my diet. Like I said, there's been a lot going on... but that's no excuse. I need to do better. Sigh. I have been eating like a pig lately. It frustrates me! Even at work it is hard. Everyone uses night shift as an excuse to eat bad... as much as I enjoy stealing ice cream from the "nourishment room" with my coworkers... not healthy for losing the weight I am so desperate to lose! Honestly, I've hit a wall. Not only is it taking more and more to lose weight, but on top of that, I've reverted to some emotional eating lately. Not good. Yuck. Gotta step it up. Yes, it's great that I've lost over 40 pounds. But there's more to go.
I have the next couple days off. I'm super excited!!! Probably will just catch up on stuff around the apartment tomorrow... laundry, etc. But maybe on Friday I will get out and DO something!! Go to the mountains, maybe. I dreamed of adventures when I moved here... and I seem to spend just as much time on the couch or just hanging out as I did in PA! I need to get out and experience life. What's the point of having days off work when you don't actually LIVE them?! I've gotta remember what it was like at my last job... I would have loved the ability to just pick up and go, to experience the Northwest. And here I am, living the life I've (sorta) dreamed of... but not fully, yet. So maybe on Friday I will do something crazy, like go to Mt. St. Helens or Mt. Rainier. Or maybe not. Gotta leave myself an out, in case I decide to stay home and chill instead. Haha. :)
It's been so long since I blogged. There's a lot that's happened. I'm really frustrated with some specific things in my life right now. I wish I could fix them. It's hard... I'm the kind of person that likes things a certain way. And when they aren't.... yikes. Not a happy camper. :) I want to just FIX some things that are going on. Won't go into detail here... public forum and all that. But those who know me well know what the issue is. :( It is tough, I won't lie. We'll get through it somehow, though.
There's so much I want to write about! Like how proud I am of my friend who just got a gigantic raise after working REALLY hard for it. Or how cute Smokey is right now. :) But I can't blog about these things or I will be up all night! OK, vowing right now to write more often. :)
Happy Nurses' Week! Check out these flowers that I got as a gift for Nurses' Week:
Alright. Gotta get to bed. :)
Working night shift has had me all messed up. It's well after 1 am and here I am, blogging away and wide awake! The only thing good on TV right now is a rerun of CSI:Miami... which I've already seen several times. Oh well. Which brings me to my next subject...
My Tivo has died. For those who know me... this is a true tragedy! I joke around, but man.... it has been rough the last week without it. They are sending a replacement that is due to arrive on Friday! I am still contemplating buying the HD version now that I have my "pimp" TV (as my coworkers refer to it)... but I think I will save that for the next weight-loss reward!
Speaking of which... I have been doing horrible lately on my diet. Like I said, there's been a lot going on... but that's no excuse. I need to do better. Sigh. I have been eating like a pig lately. It frustrates me! Even at work it is hard. Everyone uses night shift as an excuse to eat bad... as much as I enjoy stealing ice cream from the "nourishment room" with my coworkers... not healthy for losing the weight I am so desperate to lose! Honestly, I've hit a wall. Not only is it taking more and more to lose weight, but on top of that, I've reverted to some emotional eating lately. Not good. Yuck. Gotta step it up. Yes, it's great that I've lost over 40 pounds. But there's more to go.
I have the next couple days off. I'm super excited!!! Probably will just catch up on stuff around the apartment tomorrow... laundry, etc. But maybe on Friday I will get out and DO something!! Go to the mountains, maybe. I dreamed of adventures when I moved here... and I seem to spend just as much time on the couch or just hanging out as I did in PA! I need to get out and experience life. What's the point of having days off work when you don't actually LIVE them?! I've gotta remember what it was like at my last job... I would have loved the ability to just pick up and go, to experience the Northwest. And here I am, living the life I've (sorta) dreamed of... but not fully, yet. So maybe on Friday I will do something crazy, like go to Mt. St. Helens or Mt. Rainier. Or maybe not. Gotta leave myself an out, in case I decide to stay home and chill instead. Haha. :)
It's been so long since I blogged. There's a lot that's happened. I'm really frustrated with some specific things in my life right now. I wish I could fix them. It's hard... I'm the kind of person that likes things a certain way. And when they aren't.... yikes. Not a happy camper. :) I want to just FIX some things that are going on. Won't go into detail here... public forum and all that. But those who know me well know what the issue is. :( It is tough, I won't lie. We'll get through it somehow, though.
There's so much I want to write about! Like how proud I am of my friend who just got a gigantic raise after working REALLY hard for it. Or how cute Smokey is right now. :) But I can't blog about these things or I will be up all night! OK, vowing right now to write more often. :)
Happy Nurses' Week! Check out these flowers that I got as a gift for Nurses' Week:
(I have no idea why this picture is sideways! I can't seem to fix it. :( Oh well. Beautiful anyway!!)
I am so lucky.
And here's my cute little bear right now. Honestly. Right this moment, as I post this. Haha. So adorable:
Alright. Gotta get to bed. :)~Alison
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