Day of 3 Posts

Ok, well... technically it is after midnight so this is not the third post of the day... but rather the first post of a new day!

I just spent all this time on the internet. Surfing and whatnot. You know, Facebook, playing Mafia Wars, random friends' blogs, Mafia Wars, news websites, more Facebook, more Mafia Wars. And now I am totally depressed. Can I blame it on my circadian rhythms being all out of whack? Probably not.

I should know better than to compare myself to other people. I really should. And yet, I seem to always fall into a pattern of doing so. Sigh. I read other people's blogs and look at their Facebook photos, and it makes me think about my own life. Inevitably I fear that I fall short of what I want for myself. I am not the kind of bold Christian that some people are. I don't have it in me to go to a foreign country or even an uncomfortable place, in the name of Christ. I look at these pictures and read about their experiences, and it makes me think about how I barely could work in Philadelphia without having a nervous breakdown! I mean, I had nightmares for months after quitting my first nursing job and moving away... and that was in the US! How is it that there are people that can have the kind of faith that takes them to the ends of the earth? And why is it so hard for me, even on a daily basis in Seattle?

A friend sent me a card today to celebrate Nurses' Week, and in it she mentions that this (nursing) is what God called me to do. It's true... I know that He has guided my life for His purposes. So why do I have such a hard time letting go of the control? I get so frustrated with myself sometimes. I hate being so anxious! I don't want to be "a stress ball"... but I am. It's what I do. And there's no way out of it on my own.

Sigh. Maybe I should spend less time online. :) And I am definitely in need of some sleep. Sorry to be so random and, well, anxious in this post!

Tomorrow is a new day. And His mercies are new every morning. :)