150th Post

I have been procrastinating on this post... I feel as though this needs to be a amazing piece of literature, seeing as how it is #150... but I have nothing really profound to say right now! :)

Reading the last two "milestone" posts from May and January, I am struck by the things that have changed, and the things that have remained the same. It seems like a long time ago that I was preparing for the Seafair race and to go to England/Ireland! But yet again, so much rings true. I am still struggling to lose more weight... I've maintained about the same for a while now. I'm looking for a new church to call home, and there are days I still really struggle with aspects of my faith. Maybe it is fitting, therefore, that I DON'T have some huge thing to post for the 150th post... a blog is really about documenting daily life, I suppose... and this IS my daily life. Pretty boring, honestly.

I went to bed at about 2 am last night, and woke up this morning at 5 am. I had a nightmare and then just could not get back to sleep. :( But it gave me time to think and read and pray... before the sun even came up. So perhaps that is what is most important for me to be doing. I have the day off, and have thought about visiting a new church this morning, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I hate "church-shopping". Even the phrase makes it sound like some consumer-driven thing. I just want to have a church home, is all. So far none of the places we've visited have felt like "home", or even that they would have the potential to become that. It's so frustrating. Should I just go to a church on Sunday morning because that is what one does? Should I pick one out of the phonebook because I have the day off and therefore should try it out? That just doesn't seem right.

I've often heard that Seattle is one of the most "un-churched" areas in America. After living back here a year, I believe it. Absolutely. Not only is it particularly tough to be a Christian here, but there just aren't that many churches. Believe me, I've been flipping through the aforementioned phone book! What am I supposed to do? I know that maybe I am being picky. Sure, there are churches that I could go to... but none of them seem to fit what I have been looking for. I could go be another anonymous "regular attender" at Mars Hill or Overlake, or any number of other huge churches. But I don't want to be part of a crowd... I want something smaller. I enjoy contemporary Christian music (hey, my car radio is usually tuned to 105.3)... but I want the opportunity to sing out of a hymnal, at least sometimes. At least have one in the pew rack. I want to hear Biblical preaching. I want to be with other Christians. But I'm just not sure how to do that right now.

So instead, this morning, I sat in my living room with my Bible and my copy of "Hymns of Truth and Praise". It's not much, and certainly not sustainable, but it's all I could muster this morning. Perhaps I will listen to an old sermon on my iPod or something, too, thanks to the internet. Sigh.

There you go... I haven't posted in a while and then once I start, the floodgates open! I would apologize, but it's my blog and you have chosen to read it. :) If you have made it to the end, I would love your prayers. Times are tough right now.