:)

The Tivo is officially functional! :)

I've been feeling pretty lonely and definitely more than a little sorry for myself today. But I was reminded (again) just a few minutes ago that I am truly lucky. I've been blessed with a lot, and even though things are hard, God's given me a gift in a special person who is simply amazing. Even though I don't deserve it, I've been blessed with someone who fills a hole I didn't even know I had. At the risk of quoting Dr. Evil and/or Tom Cruise... someone who completes me. I haven't written about it much. But I am filled with gratitude tonight, and therefore it is spilling out here. :)

Friday

OK, so I didn't go anywhere today. I confess. I wanted to get out and go to the mountains or something exciting, but honestly, I didn't feel like it. And didn't really feel like going by myself, anyway. I've been pretty lazy yesterday and today... haven't really felt well physically. Or emotionally, which then goes in a vicious cycle with the physical! :) Last night I went out for soup with Ingrid, and hung out with her for a couple of hours. It was exactly what I needed yesterday! (The conversation, I mean, not the soup. Although it was pretty tasty!)

Today is a beautiful day, finally. Sunny, although not warm. Only like 50 degrees out! Man, I am definitely not used to Seattle spring. I want the warmth of Philadelphia in May!! T-shirts and starting to work on your tan... not sweatshirts and still having the heat on in your house. I remember the day of my high school prom... 95 degrees and oppressively humid... in May. I could do without the latter, but man... I am tired of being so freakin' cold!!! Last night I found myself on Travelocity, looking up flights to warm destinations, just for fun. I entertain myself by dreaming of a trip to Vegas, although I know I wouldn't actually go through with it. :)

Going to Vegas probably wouldn't solve my problems, anyway. Sigh. I'm pretty unhappy with the whole church situation right now. Don't really know what to do. I realized today that I am working the next 3 Sundays, which made me happy... and it shouldn't have. I shouldn't been glad to have an excuse not to go! But the stuff going on makes me sick to my stomach. And angry. Which isn't the way I should feel. I spent a lot of time reading and praying yesterday. Need some guidance, for sure. I am just feeling so trapped!!

Ok, time to change the subject. The new Tivo arrived today. Actually, the refurbished one that is taking all day to set up. Sigh. I am being grumpy. Sorry. But it arrived with the original software... so it's like when your computer crashes and you have to reinstall Windows... but then you never got around to slipstreaming all the updates so you have to use the original install disk and wind up with a pre-SP1 machine... and then have to deal with all the bugs until you finally get a bazillion updates installed. Not that I've ever had THAT experience. :) But that's what it feels like right now. For example, the current version goes back to pre-WPA encryption... so I had to open up my network in order to get the updates. Which doesn't make me happy, as you might imagine if you know me at all! I am hoping I can get them all installed and then get everything encrypted again soon. :)

I'm already dreading work tomorrow. Working 4 days in a row. Yuck. Unless I decide to call out sick, which is a distinct possibility. I have felt pretty awful lately. Sigh.

Today in the car I was listening to Eve 6 on my iPod (sounds SO good in my car!!), and one of the lines from their song "Noctural" has been stuck in my head all afternoon... I wake up in a cold sweat/got a bone to pick with reality... describes my feelings right now. I definitely have a bone to pick with reality! So frustrated right now. Words cannot express it. Just want to be free of everything and able to live my life. Argh.

Ok, enough of this angry outburst, I mean, blog post. :) Time to go check on the Tivo's progress. And maybe spend some more time in prayer and Bible study. I think I need it.

First May Post!!!

I've been awful about blogging lately. Excuses, excuses... there's been a lot going on... I'll leave it at that. :)

Working night shift has had me all messed up. It's well after 1 am and here I am, blogging away and wide awake! The only thing good on TV right now is a rerun of CSI:Miami... which I've already seen several times. Oh well. Which brings me to my next subject...

My Tivo has died. For those who know me... this is a true tragedy! I joke around, but man.... it has been rough the last week without it. They are sending a replacement that is due to arrive on Friday! I am still contemplating buying the HD version now that I have my "pimp" TV (as my coworkers refer to it)... but I think I will save that for the next weight-loss reward!

Speaking of which... I have been doing horrible lately on my diet. Like I said, there's been a lot going on... but that's no excuse. I need to do better. Sigh. I have been eating like a pig lately. It frustrates me! Even at work it is hard. Everyone uses night shift as an excuse to eat bad... as much as I enjoy stealing ice cream from the "nourishment room" with my coworkers... not healthy for losing the weight I am so desperate to lose! Honestly, I've hit a wall. Not only is it taking more and more to lose weight, but on top of that, I've reverted to some emotional eating lately. Not good. Yuck. Gotta step it up. Yes, it's great that I've lost over 40 pounds. But there's more to go.

I have the next couple days off. I'm super excited!!! Probably will just catch up on stuff around the apartment tomorrow... laundry, etc. But maybe on Friday I will get out and DO something!! Go to the mountains, maybe. I dreamed of adventures when I moved here... and I seem to spend just as much time on the couch or just hanging out as I did in PA! I need to get out and experience life. What's the point of having days off work when you don't actually LIVE them?! I've gotta remember what it was like at my last job... I would have loved the ability to just pick up and go, to experience the Northwest. And here I am, living the life I've (sorta) dreamed of... but not fully, yet. So maybe on Friday I will do something crazy, like go to Mt. St. Helens or Mt. Rainier. Or maybe not. Gotta leave myself an out, in case I decide to stay home and chill instead. Haha. :)

It's been so long since I blogged. There's a lot that's happened. I'm really frustrated with some specific things in my life right now. I wish I could fix them. It's hard... I'm the kind of person that likes things a certain way. And when they aren't.... yikes. Not a happy camper. :) I want to just FIX some things that are going on. Won't go into detail here... public forum and all that. But those who know me well know what the issue is. :( It is tough, I won't lie. We'll get through it somehow, though.

There's so much I want to write about! Like how proud I am of my friend who just got a gigantic raise after working REALLY hard for it. Or how cute Smokey is right now. :) But I can't blog about these things or I will be up all night! OK, vowing right now to write more often. :)

Happy Nurses' Week! Check out these flowers that I got as a gift for Nurses' Week:

(I have no idea why this picture is sideways! I can't seem to fix it. :( Oh well. Beautiful anyway!!)

I am so lucky.

And here's my cute little bear right now. Honestly. Right this moment, as I post this. Haha. So adorable:

Alright. Gotta get to bed. :)

~Alison

Pictures

It occurred to me that I haven't posted any pictures in a while, so here are a couple of recent ones:

I took this one just this afternoon! The hyacinth bulbs I planted last fall are starting to bloom!

Watching the Stanley Cup playoffs after work

View from my bedroom window on a snowy day in late April

Yes, there are now pictures on my walls! This is one of my favorites that I framed and hung in my bedroom... Seattle at night. :)

Lessons

Gotta make this a quick post since I have a very long to-do list today!! Dad is coming to visit tonight!! Whoo-hoo!! Smokey and I are super excited. :) And I have 6 whole days off from work!!! Does it get any better than that?! Yes... Thursday is my weigh-in day... and I've lost another 2 pounds! Obviously I am in a really good mood this morning. :)

Yesterday was my last day shift until the end of June. :( I will miss the ability to sleep at night and be awake during the day. I am bracing myself for that lovely reality of not being able to get together with anyone for the next 2 months. Sigh.

I've realized over the last couple of days that I have some things I should really be grateful for, and I often take them for granted. As usual, my patients have taught me some lessons. :) I am so lucky to have family, and further more, a family that loves and cares for me. Beyond that, I have amazing friends who love me, too. Those things alone are something not everyone has. God's blessed me with a lot of wonderful things besides people who care for me, too: a job, a place to live, a car, enough food to eat, clothes to wear, and good health... just to name a few basic things. Sometimes we can get very caught up in the world and all the things we want or think we need, and it's easy to forget how much we already have and take for granted. I think God used some things at work this week to drive the point home for me. It's a good reminder... so I'm sharing it with you. :)

Well, gotta go clean the house and get ready for Dad! Hm. Maybe I better go grocery shopping, too...

Day off!!

Whoo-hoo!! Of course it's back to work again tomorrow and Wednesday... my last 2 day shifts for a while. :( And they're both 12s. But then my dad comes to visit on Thursday!! It should be a fun but busy weekend... Friday night we're going to the Mariners' game (so excited!!) and Saturday night I've invited a huge group of people over. I'm hoping people show up! So far there have been a few who have let me know they're coming, and if even just those people show up, then it will be fun. The more, the merrier, though! :)

I have so much to do today on my one day off, yet I am going to go to the mall with my friend Cher in a little bit. :) Lunch and shopping... although I don't know that I really NEED to spend more money! But maybe I can talk her into helping me pick out some new scrubs, which I desperately need. I bought a bunch in the fall, and now they are definitely not flattering since they are too big. Also, most of my scrub pants have a tendency to almost fall off once I clip my phone on at work... and I am getting very tired of hiking them up all the time!! Crazy! That is so awesome, if I may say so myself. The bad part is that I gotta spend more money... and on work clothes. Yuck. What's the fun in that?

Another sermon on submission yesterday. Next Sunday is 1 Peter 3:1-6... should be interesting!

OK, gotta get going to meet Cher. More later! :)

Life

Just got home from work... haven't even changed out of my scrubs yet. I know, I know. Ewww. But I felt compelled to write.

I had a great morning with my friend Amy last weekend. She's graduating from nursing school soon, and she asked me what I did to deal with the stress from work. I've been thinking a lot about this topic lately. If I have time off, sometimes I just need to be by myself and go sit on the beach at Carkeek and read or pray or just BE. Other times I need the TV and a glass of white zinfindel. I've realized, though, that I do have one ritual that has developed over time. Whenever I've had a rough day at work, I drive home with the stereo turned way up, usually blasting some sort of rap or hip-hop or hard core rock. I mean I give that subwoofer in my trunk a workout. Tonight, as Dr. Dre reverberating through my body, it dawned on me what I was doing. I think I literally try to drown out everything in my head! Does it work? Who knows. I do feel some release, I think. But it doesn't really solve the underlying stress.

A month or so ago, one of my coworkers jokingly called me the angel of death, as I seemed to have an uncanny knack for getting the critically ill patients. I don't know how it works out if one were to actually do the math, but I feel like I have been surrounded by death an awful lot lately.

Today I walked into a patient's room, and he looked me in the face and said, "I have the strangest feeling. I think I am going to die today." Later he told me he thought he might be heading towards the light, and I told him that he needed to stay as far away from the light as possible! It did make him laugh, I will say. :) Sure enough, as the day went on, this guy got sicker and sicker, although he was still hanging on when I left.

There's something about having death be so near that always makes me think about life. I haven't written about all the patients I've lost lately, mostly because it's too much for me to even think about. But I have spent a lot of time thinking about them and the lessons I've learned.

Life's too short to waste time not living it. They say that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. I'm tired of making plans... I just want to live my life!

Enough philosophizing. Is that even a word? I'm too tired to care. :)

Stream O' Consciousness

Here I go again, having not written anything in over a week!! Excuses? Hm. Let's see. Work is a good one. And then last weekend was so incredibly beautiful I spent my time off outside. And, uh... Stanley Cup playoffs??

OK, so I HAVE been busy. But I have lots to write about!!! I will have to summarize, however, otherwise this post will go on forever. So here's the latest, in no particular order. Actually, in completely random order.

* I bought myself a Bernina sewing machine last weekend! Haven't played with it much yet (see the aforementioned excuses for what's been eating up my time). But I am so excited to try it out!! Spent WAY too much on it, but what else is new. Actually, I got a great deal (it was on sale, and I got a demo model, and it was "tax-free weekend", etc). But still. Lots of $$. Now I will be broke and have to make my own clothes. Good thing I have a sewing machine. Haha.

* Last weekend I went rollerblading for the first time in at least 10 years. Went almost 5 miles on the Burke-Gilman Trail! Seriously, I haven't had that much fun in a while.

* I have officially lost over 40 pounds. I had hit a slow patch there for a while, but I'm hoping to keep it up... still want to lose about 25 more, so there is a ways to go yet. But 40 is a lot, and I'm pretty psyched. I had promised myself that if I got below [insert number here] pounds, I would order myself HD cable... except that I am now 3 pounds from that goal and I can't really afford it at the moment!!! Oops. Might have to set cheaper rewards in the future.

* My dad is coming to visit next week!! He hasn't seen my car or my apartment with all my stuff moved in, or anything. I'm looking forward to the visit! It's only for a few days but should be fun. I'm having an open house on Saturday the 26th for everyone to say hi to him. Which will be cool. Although it will require me to deep-clean my house. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

* Just bought tickets to my first Mariners' game at Safeco in 4 years! Next Friday, when Dad is here. So excited!! We are going to freeze. Nothing like outdoor baseball in Seattle... in April. Can you say parka?

* Switching back to night shift in 2 weeks. Mixed emotions on that. Love the night shift colleagues. But I have really enjoyed being awake during the day and sleeping at night. And the ability to have some sort of social life. Such as it is. Oh well. It's only until the end of June. And I get paid more. Hm. Maybe I will be able to afford that HD cable, after all! :)

* Been reading this really cool book I picked up at the Christian bookstore called "The Politically Incorrect Wife". Yes, I know I am not a wife, but I hope to be one some day, and it is all about women's roles, etc. Applicable to all Christian women, in my opinion. Recently finished an excellent chapter on everyone's favorite subject... submission. Interestingly, also the topic of Mikes' sermon last week. Strange how that works. Although Mike was preaching on 1 Peter and it was more about governmental authority than gender roles. Still interesting stuff.

* Smokey is still adorable. That's not news, but boy has she been cute today! I am so glad I moved her out here with me. :)

* Work has been better the last few shifts, although as I type that I am remembering how stressed I was yesterday. Haha. Selective memory. Precepting the nursing student has been a good experience. I'm learning a lot about how I work as a nurse, which is pretty cool. And she makes me think about stuff, too. Asks lots of good questions. I hope I can precept again sometime! Other than working with her, work has been... well, same old things. It is a job that takes its toll sometimes. Okay, most of the time. But this week I feel like I actually made a difference, so that's at least something.

* I think I am going to make blueberry pancakes for dinner. And maybe some turkey bacon to go along with it. Mmm.

I warned you that this was a random post!! :)

Quilts

I'm pretty sure I haven't already written about this, but forgive me if I am repeating myself! :) I've been working on hand-quilting a wall quilt for my new apartment... I actually bought the pieced top at an Amish auction last spring, and then have been sporadically quilting it this winter. It is getting closer to being finished!!

It's a Lone Star pattern in shades of purple, lavender, white, and black. (Of course those colors appealed to me!) I am almost done quilting the star part, which is awesome! Yesterday I ordered the stencil to do the blocks in the corner. It's going to be a Mariner's Compass in the blank blocks, which might not be the most traditional pattern for a Lone Star quilt, but hey, it's MY quilt and I can do what I want!! :)

This one I'm currently working on is a wall quilt, but at the same Amish auction I also bought another pieced top. It, too, is a Lone Star, only it is king size and in black and white. My mom's quilt group basted it for me, and then she brought it to Nashville in November so I could bring it back to Seattle. It is huge and weighs a ton (at least as far as these things go)!! It is a daunting task to even look at it and consider how long I will be hand-quilting it. But it is a beautiful quilt, and I got it for a great deal... I think that someday it will look amazing on my bed, but I just have a lot of work to do before it will be ready! I ordered the stencil for that one, too (to save on shipping), so I am getting excited for that project as well. The wall quilt is definitely a "trial-run" before I start on the big quilt, because I wanted to make sure my hand-quilting skills got tweaked before I invested so much time in one that will be on the bed!

At the moment I am sewing machine-less, but I did get a Bernina gift certificate for Christmas, and combined with part of my tax refund, I am planning on getting one of their Activa machines. I might even go this weekend and get it! We'll see. :) I will need it to put the binding on the wall quilt, so I am almost to the point where it is necessary.

Smokey, like most cats, seems to LOVE quilts. Yesterday I spread out the big one on the floor to measure something, and immediately she appeared out of nowhere to plop down right in the middle and go to sleep! Crazy cat. And every time I am hand-quilting, she is of course on my lap and trying to eat the thread. Then sleeps on the quilt when I am not working on it! Here she is, enjoying herself:




Well, time to go do some other fun things on my day off. Like go running. Yuck. Do I have to go if it is 38 degrees outside and kind of rainy?

It's been 10 days...

OK, so I haven't posted lately. I confess, it is due purely to a lethal combination of being busy and being incredibly lazy! :)

Where do I begin? There's been so much going on! Chris and Grace's wedding was last weekend (ok so there have been 2 weekends since I last wrote!). I hadn't been to a wedding in a very long time, so it was definitely a fun time. I was pretty nervous beforehand since it HAD been such a long time, as well as for some other reasons. Honestly, in retrospect I was being rather silly about it. Nothing to worry about. And I had a wonderful time serving tea with Libby and hanging out with people from Hope. Gave me some ideas about my own wedding someday! Libby was right when she said that no matter how old/young you are, or however far away your own wedding might be, there's something about seeing someone else get married that makes you contemplate your wedding day.














Last week work was pretty rough. Did three 12s Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday... and the days got progressively worse! Wednesday was one of the worst days I have ever had as a nurse. I had one patient die, and then another one code while he was off the floor. And I had a senior nursing student doing her practicum with me at the time... her first day on the floor she got to see some crazy stuff! Day started off with a tour, then we ended up doing a sort-of rapid response, then put the patient on comfort care, had to respond to our patient coding downstairs, then the other patient died, then had to deal with the third patient who I had pretty much ignored all day... It was an INSANE day, and I was glad when it was over. Of course, thanks to my crazy day, I hadn't charted anything, so I was there until 9:30 pm. Sigh.

I was off Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, then worked a random 12 yesterday. Off again today and tomorrow, then 3 more 12s at the end of the week. I can't remember if I blogged about this already, but I am precepting a senior nursing student on her practicum for the next couple weeks. To be honest, I am really honored to be asked to do that since I've only been working there less than 6 months! We've had 2 shifts together so far... the first one was unspeakably awful but yesterday was much better. Hopefully I will be able to teach her some stuff! It seems really strange because it feels like yesterday I was in her shoes, yet it's been over 2 years!! Crazy. Time flies.

Hm. What else is exciting? Not much, really. They came and re-glued my shower tile on Friday, and then came and grouted it today. Then on Thursday they are going to seal it. I should have taken a picture of my trash bag covering the hole before they fixed it... it looked incredibly classy!! :)

Got an estimate on my car. That scrape is going to cost me dearly, unfortunately. But it's gotta be done since it is nice and deep, and there is definitely a potential for rust if I don't. Sigh. I still haven't figured out the logistics of having it in the shop for a week and renting a car to get to work, etc. I wish the bus was more convenient!! So I gotta make that decision this week.

Saturday night was spent at Ingrid and Chad's, drinking white russians and playing Simpsons Life. Definitely a fun time had by all. And I'm not just saying that because I won. :) Jack and Sophie even came out to say hello! I came home just marveling at how cool it was that after meeting in first grade and being friends as kids, here we were, having a grown-up evening together. Even though things have certainly changed over the years, our friendship has evolved to accomodate those changes. How cool is that?

No big plans for tonight or tomorrow. Maybe I'll clean out the guest room! Dad is coming in just a few weeks, so maybe I should get moving on that. Ran some errands today. I went grocery shopping, which is very exciting, because now I have food in the house!! Hm. What should I make for dinner? I have some ground beef that needs to be used, so maybe something with that.

Tomorrow I should really go running. Didn't go today, although I tried to do some other exercising. It's been so cold out! I know, excuses, excuses. I am contemplating buying a membership to the IMA at UW... but then I would have to motivate myself to actually go and work out among the young buff undergrads. Maybe I will save the money and just use the sidewalks for free! I've got to get myself jump-started on losing those last 25 lbs. It is getting harder to lose weight, I swear. Pretty frustrating to feel like you can't eat a darn thing, and then after a week, lose only a pound or even weigh the same. Sigh. I'm just so tired of this!

July 26 is rapidly approaching...